When It's Not the Accident That Stays With You

I've been in car accidents before. Three to be exact, if you count this recent sideswipe. The kind that shake you up, the kind that leave your car totaled, the kind that make your heart race for days after. But this one? This one left a small, almost laughable sideswipe mark on my car. Nothing major. Nothing scary. And yet... I can't stop thinking about it. 

I couldn't figure out why it bothered me so much. 

I've been driving for 20 years. I've lived in different cities like Los Angeles and Santa Rosa. I've driven through more states than I can count. I know how to drive. I know how to be careful. 

I even took a driving class with a Deaf instructor, it ended up being a "private lesson" since I was the only student. She shared so many tips on how to be a safe driver on the road as a Deaf person and that stuck with me. And I also know I'm not perfect. I've had my own close calls and mistakes over the years. 

And still, all three of my accidents have happened in my hometown. I actually prefer driving in San Francisco or Los Angeles over my hometown. I think that alone says a lot. 

But this one felt different... 

It wasn't the damage. It was the person. 

In that moment, everything felt off — the way he drove and the way he reacted. There was no pause, no acknowledgement, no "Hey, are you ok?" Not a simple apology. And honestly, it wasn't even an apology I was expecting. It was accountability. Just some acknowledgment of what happened.

Even when my husband witnessed the entire thing and called it out, there was nothing. Not just silence, but hostility and aggression —  the kind that makes you question yourself, even when something doesn't sit right. The way he handled the situation actually made me question everything about myself, not the incident itself. I've never been treated like that in an accident before. 

and I realized something... It wasn't the accident that stayed with me. It was how I was made to feel. And honestly, the way he handled it stuck with me more than the accident itself. 

I stayed in the car. Not because I didn't care, but because I knew I wasn't the calm one in that moment. I was furious, not just because of what happened, but because of how he was driving, and because I had my children in the car. I tried to swerve out of what felt like a dangerous situation the best I could. So I let Garin handle it. He was the calm one. 

But even then, the situation didn't feel safe. The way he was acting made it hard to even exchange information. Who feels comfortable doing that with someone being hostile? We ended up calling 911 because of how he was handling everything. We felt like we needed extra support, especially being Deaf. The police never came since it wasn't considered serious.

Maybe that's the part I'm holding onto. Not what he did, but what I didn't do. People say you don't forget how someone made you feel. They're right. But what they don't say is this: you also don't forget how you showed up in a moment that could have gone differently. In that moment, I did the best I could and I chose not to escalate it.

If you've ever been in a situation where it wasn't just the event, but the way someone treated you that stuck with you... I see you. 

With Love,
Sarah
Hands Full, Heart Full