Letting Go of Fear: My Journey as a Deaf Woman

Since today is the last day of Deaf Awareness Month, I want to share a story that's been on my heart.

For those who don't know, I was born Deaf. I have profound deafness in one ear and severe deafness in the other - the ear I call my "good ear".  Growing up, I wore one hearing aid, but there were times I didn't want to wear it. 

I remember living in the dorm at a Deaf residential school and going home on purpose without it. My mom probably felt frustrated for my dad because he doesn't sign fluently, but he never said anything about it.

It was that Deaf residential school where I developed a strong Deaf identity. That foundation made me feel comfortable enough to leave and navigate the hearing world on my own when I returned to mainstream school. 

When I went back to the mainstream after being at the Deaf residential school for five years, I started wearing my hearing aid again every day. I thought I needed it to survive the "hearing world". For a while, that was true for me. But by my second year of college, I wore it less and less.

One of the realizations before I stopped wearing my hearing aid completely was that if I walked into a room where people were speaking, I didn’t understand anything, not a word. I had to be looking straight at them. I might catch about 20–40% of what they were saying, definitely less in group conversations. That percentage might be a bit higher if you’re family or a close friend.

I used to be so afraid to drive without my hearing aid because I was worried about not being able to hear emergency sirens. I even kept a case of hearing aid batteries in my car, just in case. It turned out that driving without my hearing aid wasn't scary at all. I actually noticed I see emergency vehicles before most people hear them. I'm usually the first one to pull over. Sometimes people think I'm being dumb for stopping, until they notice the emergency vehicle coming behind us. 

I also noticed other things. I paid attention in class better without my hearing aid. I remember walking to class, the first time I left my hearing aid at home, and suddenly hearing a constant click sound. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from until a skateboarder rode past me. These moments taught me that I could experience the world fully, even without hearing everything.

Nearly 10 years later, I've reflected on something I've known since I was a kid: a hearing aid doesn't magically makes me "hearing". And as my mom always said, "When they take off their hearing aids or cochlear implants, they're still deaf." My deafness isn't something to fix. It's one part but a huge part of my character.

I don't need to hear everything to live a normal life. I don't need to hear to be me. And no, I haven't stopped listening to music. With the hearing I have left, I can still enjoy music whenever I want. Yes, there are Deaf people who absolutely love music, and I’m one of them.

Deafness is not something to fear or hide. It’s part of who I am. Embracing my Deaf identity isn't just a part of my journey. It's the lens through which I see the world. And it's powerful.