I Didn't Realize I Was Always On Until I Logged Off

I unplugged from social media platforms for a month... And I didn't create content. 

For months, I had this quiet nudge to log out and take a break. I didn't listen to it. I didn't want to miss anything, especially within the Deaf community. But one day, I finally said, "You know what? F*ck it. I'm going to go one month without social media and see what happens."

So I did. 

I thought I would create content. I wanted to, but it didn't feel right so I didn't.

I still took photos and videos, but none of it was for content. It was just for me and my family. 

Somewhere during this break... Something really hit me. 

It's so different from 15 years ago. Back then, I would just close my laptop and be done. I used my phone for texting and taking photos. 

Now, you’re not automatically disconnected when you close the screen.
You’re still “on” unless you choose not to be.

And I realized.... I haven't truly been online in over 15 years. Not camping
Not somewhere without signal. I mean actually choosing to log out and just live my life. And honestly... That felt strange at first.. 

It also felt strange being disconnected from the online world, especially the Deaf community. That's where I've built so many connection over the years and stepping away from that space wasn't easy. 

It wasn't easy because I was afraid I'd miss too much while I was gone. I hate not knowing things. That feeling goes back to my childhood, growing up in a hearing gamily where I was often the last to know what was going on. Stepping away brought that feeling back in a different way.

At the same time, I realized something I didn't expect. It was easier to step away from social media for a month than it is to build a new habit. It was easier because it was one less thing I had to do, not one more thing I had to do to add to my day.

I also didn't realize how mentally exhausted I had been until I stepped away. I was constantly questioning myself — what to post, how to say things, how it would be received. I didn't notice how much that was affecting me until I was gone. And then I started remembering...

I grew up at the beginning of the internet.
Dial-up.
AOL.
The computer lab at school.
Oregon Trail.
Typing games on old Apple computers.
And search engines like Ask Jeeves.

Then Later —
LiveJournal.
GreatestJournal.
MySpace.
Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Tumblr.
TikTok. 
Threads.

I've been connected in some way almost my entire life. Fun Fact — I'm older than Google, but younger than Apple. 

Anyway... I don't think I've ever really stepped away until now. And honestly... I felt lighter. calmer. Even my mom noticed the difference in me. But I did miss something. Not the apps. I missed people. 

I'm slowly coming back, but it won't be how it used to be. I hope you stay with me as I navigate this new chapter. 

With Love,
Sarah
Hands Full, Heart Full